Dan and Amy lived near my family and me for several years in Gilbert, Arizona. Amy and I are cousins and when I first moved to Arizona with my family, I had no idea just how wonderful it would be to have this piece of my family so close to all of us. We were there for each other in all the ways a family can and should be. We tended each others children, we went to the Temple together, we attended baptisms, baby blessings; all the important times we would have loved to have all of our families there, but since that could not be, we were there to support each other. I had been close to Amy and her sisters growing up, but we grew closer than we ever had been those years in Arizona. When Dan and Amy moved to Tucson, our families support of each other didn't end, it just changed a bit. Temple trips were planned way in advance and usually were an over-night event or I got to tend the newest member of the Howells' clan. General Conferences were my favorite. Dan and Amy and all the children would come for the entire weekend. The children would play so well together and we could relax and take in the words of the prophets. It was on these sacred occasions that I had the privilege of getting to know Dan better. We would watch conference while our children played. Then, after the sessions had ended, we would talk together about our thoughts, feelings and impressions of what was said. Dan had many amazing and touching insights. Two of these insights have stayed with me all these years.
The first is when Dan spoke of his feelings about "self esteem". He said that he felt that there is really no such thing as self esteem. That, if you truly believe in Christ and have faith in Him, that you succeed and do well in life because of your faith in Christ, not because of faith in yourself or self esteem. I have pondered this for years and have come to agree, in many ways with this faithful insight. It is my faith in Christ that motivates me in many, if not all, my decisions in life. If I begin to focus on me, I lose sight of what really matters; faith in Christ. It seems to me that what Dan was saying is that self esteem is selfish, worldly and not what the Lord intended. It is truly our "nothingness" that helps us to become worthy of feeling esteem. This nothingness brings us to faith in Christ and as a result, we feel better about ourselves, we're blessed with gifts of the Spirit and thus are more successful in life. I can see how self esteem is a great misnomer indeed. I certainly do not do this subject justice, as Dan could do. I did learn much from this insight and it has been a guide for me when I feel "less than" in the eyes of the world. I think that Dan felt that many of his students could benefit from seeing themselves through the eyes of the Savior instead of the eyes of their peers or the world around them. This is just one of many manifestations of Dan's love for his students, his desire for them to have happy, successful, faith filled lives and Dan's ability to see all of us through spiritual eyes.
The other prophetic insight Dan had was his view of the Second Coming of the Savior. Dan spoke of how there truly is The "Second Coming" when the Savior will come again to the earth and rule and reign. However, there is also a second coming for each of us, personally. That when we leave this earth, we have our own private second coming as we get to meet the Savior face to face and stand before him. Dan spoke of how important it was for him (and all of us) to prepare each day, to stand before the Savior and make that second coming a wonderful, joyous occasion. I know for Dan, that his own private second coming, was as beautiful and joyous as he had hoped.
I love the Howells family. I know that they have all been prepared for the passing of Dan. I know that the Lord loves this family and will bring them peace, joy and roll on the floor, can't stop laughing, kind of happiness.
I feel privileged to know Dan and Amy. I feel blessed to have had them in my home, to serve them and to be served by them. I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father that He put Dan and Amy in my life when He did. That they were able to touch me and my children in such a way that we will never forget nor be the same. I love you Amy, my sister-cousin and I am in awe of the powerful woman of God that you are. I love all of you children. You possess a power of heart and spirit that shines through in all you do, in all you say and in the way you live your lives every day. I pray the choicest of blessings upon all of you and know that the Savior's Atonement will bring you all healing and peace.
Love always,
Jill Clonts :)
Gilbert, Arizona
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